Author: peaceloveashleykohl

Power of positivity

The surest way to see love is to be love.

peaceloveashleykohl

“Our world is not made beautiful when more of us are skinny, or smooth, or blonde. It’s made beautiful when more of us are happy, with less shame and more love for ourselves. And with deeper compassion and empathy for one another.” -Scott Stabile, “Big Love”

I met Scott during a short retreat to Canyon Ranch with a group of empowering, supportive women. There were so many classes and activities to choose from. The list included everything from Pilates to Zumba, cooking class to contemplative circles, astrology to seasonal hikes. Scott Stabile was a guest instructor, only staying at Canyon Ranch for a limited period of time. He was offering a soul writing course, and though it was later in the evening, I knew I wanted to take it. I had no idea who he was or what he was going to share, but the short description of his class was enough to tell me that he was someone I wanted to learn from.

Scott inspired me with his words and his energy. He was gentle, calm, warm and passionate about kindness & love. His class was emotional and powerful, and inspired me to start writing more. I bought several copies of his coffee table book, “Just Love” and refer to it often for simple reminders. I’m currently listening to his book “Big Love”… which shares stories from his life and lessons in how choosing love over hate makes all the difference in living a happy, meaningful life. And, why forgiveness is so crucial to living authentically. Scott’s words hold so much power, as he reminds us of exactly what we need to hear.

“ Love never recedes but only grows the more freely it’s given, so let’s be sure to share love with all we encounter. We are changing more lives than we know. We are love.”

-Scott Stabile, “Just Love.”

As we all experience the chaos and abnormality that is 2020; a worldwide pandemic, racial injustice, political turmoil, social media negativity…. we need to be reminded of what matters.

We get this opportunity to live & love each day, to make memories, to lift others up, to be kind, to make a difference, to feel full, to feel rich with abundance from connection rather than material things. What will hatred bring? More hatred. What will love bring? More love. BIG love. Just love.

Love perpetuates love. Whenever I see this word – LOVE – it makes me feel warm. There’s something about it that resonates so strongly in my soul. Meeting Scott was very powerful; his message was clear and made perfect sense to me. We all need to learn from his message, especially now. We can have opinions that differ, we can believe in a different higher power, we can have different political views, we can choose to live our lives in ways that are different from others but no matter what, treat others and the world with love. It will make all the difference 💛

For more information on Scott & his work, visit scottstabile.com.

Uncategorized

Grieving the loss of what I always wanted: a “nuclear” family

peaceloveashleykohl

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Have you ever asked a child this question? Their responses often range from common to comical. My son wants to be a football player and a youtuber. My daughter wants to be a hairstylist. Some kids want to grow up to be a teacher, a scientist, a veterinarian or a race car driver. I’ve heard some really fun things, like clown hairstylist, dragon breeder, a mailbox and cat ninja (what even is this?!).

If you asked me this when I was a kid, I would have told you that I wanted to be a dancer on the castle stage in Magic Kingdom and to be a mom with a family. We were just like the Griswold’s; the quintessential nuclear American family with a touch of dysfunction. Sunday meals, annual traditions, sibling arguments, family vacations, family “camp outs” in front of the fireplace. I was eight years old when my little brother Doug was born and I was his “little mom”, as everyone called me. I remember thinking, “When I grow up, this is exactly what I want to have.”

Fast forward to growing up, for real: I went to college, dropped out, went back to college, left again. Though I did work for Disney in NYC, I never made it to Orlando to dance on the castle stage in Magic Kingdom. Yet, my other life goal was coming true. I had met “the one”. We got engaged, got married, bought a house and started a family. My dreams were now becoming a reality.

An insidious disease began to cripple my dream. It slowly eroded my vision for family vacations, Christmas cards, “camp outs” in front of the fireplace. My idea of what I saw for myself was not a reality. My husband was an alcoholic. My life was falling apart. After 6 years of hoping things would change, I realized I had to be the change.

How could this be happening? This was not part of the plan I had for myself.

In 2016, I quit my day job, filed for divorce and pursued my passion by opening up a dance studio for all ages and abilities. During a very dark time, I put my focus on what I could bring to others’ lives.

For a long time, I was grieving the loss of what I always wanted: a “nuclear” family.

I have found happiness in the sincerity of my life. I don’t have the “normal” nuclear family, but, what actually defines “normal” when it comes to how family’s look? I have found an amazing boyfriend who brings me so much joy, love & support, my 2 children are happy & healthy, my extended family is always around, my friends are more like family and I have a career that I absolutely love.

I define my joy and my life by the way I feel, not by the definition of what society says is “successful” or “normal”. Seeing nuclear families smiling on social media has made me feel less than, thinking back to my childhood dream of having a family. How easily we can be influenced by what we see online and how we think everyone’s else’s “perfect life” is.

But now, I decided to rewrite that narrative.

Why can’t my Christmas card be the three of us? Why can’t we take our own family vacations? Why can’t I live in a home on my own, snowblow my own driveway and be a strong, empowered mother? Why can’t I be the one to define what a “memorable childhood” is for my children?

It’s very important for me to say this: my ex-husband is over 2 years sober, is the most amazing father to our children and continues to show what it means to be courageous and committed. I’ve learned many lessons in my life, and one is that alcoholism truly is a disease that cripples families. It’s an evil drug that completely alters a person’s judgment, behavior and personality. But, there is always hope for recovery. Where there is a will, there is a way. I’ve seen the transformation firsthand and couldn’t be more grateful.

Here I am now, sitting on my couch writing this as a single mother in my home, with my two children sitting at their desks, remote learning from the room next to me. If you asked my eight year old self what I would be doing at 34 years old, it wouldn’t be this. And, just because it does look different doesn’t mean I’m a failure. Or that I haven’t succeeded. My heart is full of love and genuine joy in this moment. This life, just the way it is, is a dream come true.

Power of positivity

Time to make a “New Day Resolution”

peaceloveashleykohl

Every year, as we inch closer to January 1st, we talk about making a New Year’s Resolution. According to the Cambridge Dictionary online, a New Year’s Resolution is, “a promise that you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of the year.” You know it and you know it well… the whole “new year, new me” conversation.


It’s interesting to me that we feel compelled to set these new goals with ourselves when one year ends and another begins. Quite often, we don’t follow through with the resolutions we make. Perhaps it’s because we do it out of obligation rather than a sincere desire to make a change. Maybe it’s because the resolutions are so incredibly unattainable that we end up giving up entirely.

I mean, can you really lose 30 pounds in 8 weeks? Can you really change your diet to eat healthy for the rest of your life right after a holiday season of indulging in Andes mints, Lindt truffles, homemade cookies and Mom’s famous meat pie?

Funny story about that:

My Dad is the classic New Year’s Resolution-er. Every. single. year. He puts on his gym shorts, sweatband and high top chucks and heads to the YMCA at 5AM before work. This happens from January 2nd through 17th. Now, if you know my Dad, you know he lives life to the fullest. He has garlic bread with his pasta, he really enjoys a good cocktail, he doesn’t say no to dessert. This past year, his resolution was to “eat healthier and lose weight”. At a family party on January 11th, tacos were on the menu. Instead of using a tortilla shell, he used lettuce. This stopped all of us in our tracks. Dad? Lettuce wrap? Fast forward 1 month at a family party in February, he was wrapping his tacos up in a flour tortilla shell. This dubbed him the name “January Jeff.” If I’m being honest, I like February-December Jeff much better.

Ultimately, the goal is to improve the quality of your life, in some way. If this is the case, why can’t we resolve to be better any day of the year?

Ok, back to my Dad.

Whenever I needed a boost of encouragement, for as along as I can remember, he always told me, “When you wake up in the morning, look to the east. The sun will always rise, I guarantee it. A chance to start again. A brand new day!”

Today is a new day, a chance to start fresh. It’s an opportunity to be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday. Why wait until January 1st? When you know what it is you want to achieve, make your “New Day Resolution”. Time to go from “new year, new you” to “new day, new you.” And guess what? That happens everyday.

Wake up, look to the east. Resolve to be better. The sun will rise, I guarantee it.

Power of positivity

If only I could park my car in my garage.

peaceloveashleykohl

Jealousy. What causes us to feel this? And why does it seem to consume us and eat us up inside? I remember feeling lots of jealousy growing up.

Jealous of the girls with clear skin. Jealous of the dancers who were naturally flexible. Jealous of Linnea Bauer who always got a 110 on her tests. I mean, how did she ALWAYS get 10 points over perfect?! And, she was tall. Talk about double whammy of jealousy.

In many ways, those jealous feelings are what motivated me to work harder and be a better version of myself; as a person, dancer and student. It had me doing my splits to improve my flexibility, studying hard to get an over-perfect score on my test. I tried every acne medication to help me clear up my skin (literally, everything. Props to my parents for that). Can you remember back to what made you feel waves of jealousy as a teen growing up?! Funny how those things seem so silly now, but how important they were to us then. And, how they helped shape who we are today.

Fast forward to adult life: I still feel jealousy, not as frequently or as often… but about the most ridiculous things.

What am I jealous of now?

People who don’t have to clip a tooth in everyday. Broadway stars with voices that fill your soul with their power (though I do pretend I have the voice of an angel when I’m belting out show-tunes in the car). People who don’t have bunions (#dancerlife). Those who have the willpower to say no to a Wendy’s Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger with fries and a Diet Coke. Cars parked in a garage.

Do you hear how crazy that sounds?

Cars parked in a garage.

Whenever I drive by a house and see their cars parked IN their garage, I get jealous. Am I jealous of the cars because they look so cozy tucked in there? Am I jealous that the homeowner doesn’t have a slew of bikes, buckets, firewood and plastic lawn ornaments cluttering their garage? Maybe I’m jealous of their sheetrock walls with perfectly organized shelves. Why does it give me a feeling of not being good enough?

I’ve been obsessing over it and have made it my mission to clean out my garage, just to park my damn car in there. And then, of course, garage-envy leads to shed-envy which leads to shed-location envy which leads to how-is-their-grass-so-green envy which then makes me green with envy… it’s a vicious cycle! So, when I finally do park my car in my garage, will it make my life better? Will I be happier? I finally checked myself and changed my perspective. I now look at my garage as what I want to define it as: a tiny home for all the fun toys, gadgets, bikes, decorations and remote control cars that will bring us countless memories to cherish. My car is currently parked in the driveway and will be for the foreseeable future.

Funny how we can’t just be content with what is. All these things we wish we had or could do. But, look at all we do have; the blessings all around us.

I’ve done a lot of self-work, read a lot of books about focusing on what matters and have really discovered what it means to be happy and content with what I have. I have posted quotes on my vision board about how “we spend so much time worrying about what we don’t have that we forget about what we do have.” I’ve found so much truth in the blessings and fulfillment that “community over competition” brings. I’ve had the realization that I may not have everything I want or need right now, but what I’ve got is pretty damn amazing. We’re human, jealousy happens. But let’s check ourselves when it does. What we do and don’t have, eat, wear and own doesn’t define us. We define us. And that is a beautiful thing. 💛

Uncategorized

Dear Kirk, You changed my life.

peaceloveashleykohl

Dear Kirk,


   My name is Ashley Kohl and I am a BIG fan of yours. I met you about 8 years ago when you spoke at a Springfield YMCA breakfast event. I attended the event to support the Springfield, MA youth and wasn’t aware that there would be a keynote speaker. Before the program began, we crossed paths while mingling. I shook your hand, not knowing who you were or what you were there for. You looked at me and said, “You have a certain energy about you. I feel it. It’s really special.” At the time, I remember feeling flattered to have a stranger tell me that. But it wasn’t until after I saw your performance that I fiercely held onto that quick comment you made to me. 

I remember listening to you speak, and holding onto every word. I was captivated by your energy and the intense sincerity behind your words. You didn’t just say these words, you believed them. You lived them. I got choked up listening to you speak. I left the event and like everyone does when they feel impacted by something or someone … I googled you. I was so happy to see that your speech was on youtube. I watched it again. And again.

There are so many quotes I have repeated to myself. 

“We were not sent here to invest in someone else’s idea of what we should be”

“Because if you set yourself on fire the world will come watch you burn.”

“I know that the richest place on the planet is the cemetery. There you will find books that were never written, loved ones that were never forgiven, ideas that were smitten and dreams that were forbidden.”

“So don’t you dare die with your greatness buried within you!”

“And I’m not leaving until what I came to give has been given.”

These have been my mantras! There I was, working as a TV host/producer, with 2 kids at home and a marriage that was falling apart. I would listen and watch your speech often, until I decided to change my life:

I quit my day job, filed for divorce, and pursued my passion. Was it scary? Yes. Why did I take the chance? Because I didn’t want to die with my greatness buried within me! 

I opened a dance studio for all ages & abilities to come together, celebrate life, flourish, grow, learn & dance. It has set my soul on fire. I feel full. I feel as though I have purpose. I know that whenever my time is up on this earth, I will feel content knowing that what I came to give has been given. And I’m not going to stop sharing this message because more people need to hear it.

Kirk, your message and your performance served as a catalyst for me to change my life. I continue to share your speech with others. I speak of you and your words often. I will not stop sharing this message, and have made it my mission to share my story so that others’ stop investing in someone else’s idea of what they should be. So that others’ believe and realize that there is no such thing as the impossible dream. 

 I wholeheartedly believe in “everything happens for a reason” and fully support the idea that the energy of the universe guides us to where we need to be. At that moment, at that breakfast, 8 years ago…it was less than 20 seconds of my life that consisted of a brief interaction with you that will forever be engrained in my memory and my heart.

Thank you for sharing your voice, your words, your passion. You have changed my life. I am forever grateful.

Peace, love & good vibes always,

Ashley

Uncategorized

How do you want to be remembered?

peaceloveashleykohl

One of my Dad’s dearest friends for over 40 years was quarantining at home with COVID-19, when he died suddenly of a heart attack. The news shook me.

My mind began racing.
I immediately thought about his family, the sudden heartbreak that they are feeling.
I thought about if that were my Dad and the sheer devastation I would be feeling.
I thought about my Dad, losing a dear, life-long friend who always had his back.
I thought about how he was healthy, happy, and had so much life ahead of him.
I thought about what really matters during our precious time on this earth.

All of these thoughts happened within a span of 20 seconds. I then thought about how amazing the mind is and how it can think so many different thoughts in seconds.

30 seconds later, I’m crying in sadness & smiling about moments & stories I remembered.

Now, I’m processing it all.

Your brain is capable of so much. It can dig through the archives of memories and pull up all of the snapshots with a particular person. It can simultaneously bring you to tears as you smile about the happy moments. It can quickly bring life into perspective and remind you what is important.

After thinking about this for longer than 30 seconds, my takeaway is this:

How would you live if there was no tomorrow?

It wouldn’t matter how many bathrooms you have in your home.
It wouldn’t matter if you can’t park your car in your garage because it doubles as a shed for bikes, toys & storage.
It wouldn’t matter if you have smile lines or wrinkles on your forehead.
It wouldn’t matter if you are up two pant sizes since last year.
It wouldn’t matter if you use fancy name brand soap or the cheaper store brand version.
It wouldn’t matter if you have a swanky, shiny car with heated leather seats.
It wouldn’t matter how many followers you have on social media. Or how many “likes” you got.

What does matter?

How you are remembered.
The mark you leave on people’s hearts.
The way you treat people.
Your character.
Sharing your gifts with the world.
Living to give love.

To quote Hamilton: The Musical, Lin-Manuel Miranda said, “Legacy. What is a Legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see”.

Today I am thinking about what I want to accomplish during my time here.
Thinking about the seeds I am planting. Today, live like there is no tomorrow. And continue to plant seeds in a beautiful, amazing garden you never get to see…
but the world gets to remember you by.


Uncategorized

Don’t let people get in the way of your dreams.

peaceloveashleykohl

“If you love what you do, you shouldn’t let people get in the way of that.” – Lizzy Howell

Look at this dancer. KILLING it. Inspiring others. Doing what she loves. This is pure magic.

So often, we don’t go after it. Or we hide behind who we believe we should be. What we SHOULD do. We make excuses, like “I can’t afford to take a risk right now” or “there are so many people who already do that.”

We allow the negative voice of self doubt in our heads to direct our lives and our actions. The voice that tell us that we aren’t good enough, or we don’t fit the mold, or we don’t have what it takes. “You will be judged and no one will support you.” This is what stops SO many of us from going after our dreams.

To put it simply: it prevents us from doing what we were put on this earth to do.

What if you could flip a switch and that voice wasn’t there? What if there was NO chance of being judged or ridiculed by others? Rha Goddess asked me this question and it triggered my eyes to fill with tears. Partially because of feeling guilt, but also because I realized just how true this is.

What if we were able to forget about what society tells us we should do and listened to our hearts? Lizzy Howell is the PERFECT example of not letting others’ reactions and judgement stop you from doing what makes your heart tick. Each of us were put here to make our mark. Break through the clouds of self doubt and allow yourself to shine your light on the world.

Dear Lizzy Howell, Never stop dancing. You are beautiful, inspiring and a perfect example of what it means to be our most authentic selves.

Thank you for reminding us all to silence the negativity and go after the light.

Power of positivity

Positive words lead to a positive life.

peaceloveashleykohl

Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.

Positive words lead to a positive life.

It’s easy for so many of us to get caught up in the day to day stress, especially during these incredibly challenging times. Without the ability to share dance with my students, I’ve felt very lost and unable to truly release. I believe in the power of movement & its ability to create long-lasting, powerful change. 

Without the ability to connect through dance, I’ve been seeking other ways to work through my thoughts & emotions. One thing I have been intentional about is staying positive around my children. Whether you call it an affirmation, a mantra or a declaration, simple words repeated often can make a big difference in the influence we have on those around us, and in the way we live our lives and treat others.  To keep myself in a positive mindset, I’ve been leaning into these mantras:

I create happiness by appreciating the little things in life.

I am enough.

I live to give love. 

Today I will not stress over things I cannot control

Our children are going to be faced with plenty of unknowns and will be uncharted territory for many. Encourage them to use positive affirmations. I found this list for kids online that I love! 

https://motherhoodmusing.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/30-Affirmations-for-Kids.png

When you repeat them often, and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes in your own life and in the world. <3

Power of positivity

Look for the lessons.

peaceloveashleykohl

There are so many lessons we can learn from the people we meet, the places we go… and the creative brilliance we watch.  The world is currently listening to the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat, belting out,

 “Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now!” 

Movies, content and artistry are at the tip of our fingertips.  I’ve been enjoying re-watching Disney classics with my kids these past few weeks and realized just how many life lessons we have learned from Disney characters:  

Belle taught us to always see the beauty that lies within each heart, beneath the surface. 

Ariel taught us that we must take chances to discover who we are truly meant to be. 

Dory taught us to never give up…and just keep swimming. 

Baloo taught us to forget about worries and strife and look for the bare necessities. 

Timon and Pumbaa told us Hakuna Matata. It means “no worries, for the rest of your days.”

Stitch taught us that, “Ohana means family. No one gets left behind or forgotten.”

In everything we see, do, hear and experience… look for the lessons. Thank you, Stitch, for reminding all of us that family is more than just the people in your home. It’s the people you choose. We are Ohana!

Power of positivity

I don’t want to win the lottery.

peaceloveashleykohl

As far as I’m concerned, I already have.

I don’t want millions of dollars. 

I want enough to pay my bills, save for my kids, go on vacations and enjoy life. 

I don’t want to forget how it feels to work hard for what I earn.

I want to feel that sense of accomplishment; like my hard work and dedication paid off. 

 I don’t want to be complacent and settle into a life that is “easy”.

I want to experience the pressure to provide, so that when I do, I feel like I earned it.  

I don’t want to be wary of who is a real friend and who is just after the money in my bank account.

I want friends who celebrate me for who I am and value me for what’s in my heart.

 I don’t want to be known as that person who “won the lottery”. 

I want to be known as the person who “made a difference in people’s lives.”

I don’t want to forget the value of a dollar. 

I want to always remember just how much a dollar is worth. 

I don’t want to be clouded by the empty, meaningless value of money. 

I want to remember its purpose, but always make love & contribution a priority.  

But…what could I do with that money?

 I could share it with those who are suffering with medical bills. I could give money to someone who lost everything in a tragedy. I could help people whose lives would be infinitely brighter if they didn’t suffer from constant financial stress and had a little extra in their bank account. I could donate it to charity to bring joy to kids, to provide support to people in need, to lift a weight off shoulders that need a break. I could stop working. I could go on a vacation with my loved ones, buy a bigger house with two bathrooms and a finished basement, drive a fancy car, see the world.

But, what won’t that money give me? 

Love. True friendships that are worth more than piles of gold. Healthy kids. Healthy loved ones. Precious moments. Self-effacement. Humility. A purpose. Gratitude for a roof over my head, shoes on my feet and warmth in my heart. A home filled with love. Pride. More time. Prevention from heartache and loss. 

Protection from the world. Hugs. Memories. Life.

The things that REALLY matter. 

When all is said and done, I will cherish all the things that money can’t buy. And I don’t want anything to distract me from the moments, memories and people that fill my world with immeasurable love, smiles and sunshine.